New Business

To: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir:

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.

As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.

My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business.

He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.

If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.

Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?

Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too.

In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.

Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours, Bil

Being raised on a farm in West Michigan, the set aside program was well known and commonly participated in by farmers in the community. I can remember the local ag agent coming out to measure the acres of corn on our farm and watching my father disk down some growing corn that exceeded the program limits.

A elderly neighbor down the road spent his summers with a Ford 9n tractor with a 7' sickle bar mower, mowing his 80 acres. He had an umbrella attached to the tractor fender for shade over the operator seat. In all the years he owned the farm, I never saw any crop planted. The hay/grass, cut twice a year, was never harvested . . . just cut and decomposed. Dad said that farm was in the set aside program.

This old farm boy has mixed feelings about set aside and farm commodity subsidies. I would love to be paid to not roof houses . . .

The worst part of this is that on a huge basis, it is true. The bankers are making tons of money by not lending anything but computer digits. What is the difference between a 1 and a 9 or an 8 or a ....? Heck, I started in this life with absolutely nothing and I still have most of it left!

Yep, just a dumb ole roofer! ;)

Unbeknownst? Come on chuck, your'e a roofer, we know. B)

A long time ago, a friend of mine introduced me to a friend of his who unbeknownst to me at the time was a farmer. We traded names and then I asked what kind of work do you do? He smiled really big and said "well, I don't grow corn". :laugh: